My overtime project is done -- yay! -- and a lot things have happened since I've last been able to post. The two main things: Spencer's rehab didn't fly...for various reasons; and Cary's wife has asked him for a divorce.
I'll try to fill in the details a little more later, but those are the biggies.
Missed everyone!
~Pym
Showing posts with label rehab. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rehab. Show all posts
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Busy Busy Week
It's Saturday and I'm still working, and probably will be through the weekend, but it's been great to be busy! A bunch of us did stop for awhile yesterday, and attended Seth's memorial service. It's so hard to believe he's gone and not coming back, but the service was filled with remembrances and not too sad. There was even some humor, which was fitting, because Seth was always with a smile and laugh.
Spencer has been feeling positive results from his chiropractic appointments, which makes him less cranky from being in pain all the time, and hence, much easier to live with lol. And he wants to try some herbal supplements for pain such as devil's claw, if we can get our hands on it.
Yesterday I got to see Cary for some spontaneous afternoon delight, and I carried the wonderful feeling with me the rest of the day.
Spencer might meet a woman next week that he's been friends with on facebook for quite awhile. He really does need another positive relationship to give him a boost, especially now that he'll be starting the rehab program. The more support the better!
Must dash; so much to do!
Hope all is well in your world,
~Pym
Spencer has been feeling positive results from his chiropractic appointments, which makes him less cranky from being in pain all the time, and hence, much easier to live with lol. And he wants to try some herbal supplements for pain such as devil's claw, if we can get our hands on it.
Yesterday I got to see Cary for some spontaneous afternoon delight, and I carried the wonderful feeling with me the rest of the day.
Spencer might meet a woman next week that he's been friends with on facebook for quite awhile. He really does need another positive relationship to give him a boost, especially now that he'll be starting the rehab program. The more support the better!
Must dash; so much to do!
Hope all is well in your world,
~Pym
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Checking In
Working these extra hours has me away from my home computer alot, but we're still kicking!
Spencer had his rehab assessment yesterday, which seemed to go well, and he's scheduled to sit down with a counselor next week and draw up a treatment plan. Then he'll have about 3 months of intensive outpatient treatment.
Taking it one appointment at a time, but it feels good to have tools to deal with our situation!
Hope all is well in your world,
~Pym
Spencer had his rehab assessment yesterday, which seemed to go well, and he's scheduled to sit down with a counselor next week and draw up a treatment plan. Then he'll have about 3 months of intensive outpatient treatment.
Taking it one appointment at a time, but it feels good to have tools to deal with our situation!
Hope all is well in your world,
~Pym
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Hot Tub Time Machine
'Forgot to mention something very good from yesterday: Spencer got his appointment confirmation letter from our community's substance abuse rehabilitation center, for the 2nd week of October. It's an initial assessment of his situation and they'll then decide whether he can go for intensive outpatient or will need inpatient rehab.
Wheels are rolling -- YEAH!
My first day off yesterday was fun, us having lunch and conversation with Amanda and her sister. They really are such cool people! ;O)
Let's see, then we ran a few errands, stopped for a visit at another friend's place, and came home and--limiting ourselves both on alcohol [Spencer stuck to his promise of only a six-pack, and I had a couple glasses of wine]--watched Hot Tub Time Machine...OMG, it was hilarious! Spencer related quite a bit to the character of Lou [the anything-goes alcoholic] and I really liked the geeky 20-year-old nephew! He was adorable and a hoot! The fashions made me cringe, too, especially knowing that I wore that stuff, big hair and all! Yuk!
Today I cleaned the living room, Spencer did dishes, and we went out to lunch and took one lap around the mall for exercise. However it was so crowded, mostly with teenagers, that we ditched our second lap and came home and took a nap lol
This evening I took Spencer over to Kip's, and I came back home, fixed guacamole, and will have some wine, snacks and a movie.
Baby has been either itching or sleeping all day lol Poor thing, we're waiting for his Capstar order to arrive so we can tackle some of his fleas.
I heard from Huxley earlier today, and am hoping to touch base with Cary.
It's been a nice day: relaxing, no fussing, good food, nap, and company.
And I'm very thankful.
~Pym
Wheels are rolling -- YEAH!
My first day off yesterday was fun, us having lunch and conversation with Amanda and her sister. They really are such cool people! ;O)
Let's see, then we ran a few errands, stopped for a visit at another friend's place, and came home and--limiting ourselves both on alcohol [Spencer stuck to his promise of only a six-pack, and I had a couple glasses of wine]--watched Hot Tub Time Machine...OMG, it was hilarious! Spencer related quite a bit to the character of Lou [the anything-goes alcoholic] and I really liked the geeky 20-year-old nephew! He was adorable and a hoot! The fashions made me cringe, too, especially knowing that I wore that stuff, big hair and all! Yuk!
Today I cleaned the living room, Spencer did dishes, and we went out to lunch and took one lap around the mall for exercise. However it was so crowded, mostly with teenagers, that we ditched our second lap and came home and took a nap lol
This evening I took Spencer over to Kip's, and I came back home, fixed guacamole, and will have some wine, snacks and a movie.
Baby has been either itching or sleeping all day lol Poor thing, we're waiting for his Capstar order to arrive so we can tackle some of his fleas.
I heard from Huxley earlier today, and am hoping to touch base with Cary.
It's been a nice day: relaxing, no fussing, good food, nap, and company.
And I'm very thankful.
~Pym
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals
Had a really good day at work today, getting a lot done; I'd say it was a record in accomplishing my set tasks, so I'm very happy with that!
Spencer has recovered from the weekend, and cooked quite a tasty dinner for us this afternoon. Earlier, I was able to talk to our psychologist/counselor, who gave us three options to look into for a rehab facility. I can't tell you how just having options opens a crack in the clouds. I don't expect miracles, but I believe in progress, and that's what keeps me going.
And love, of course: for my own lovable, screwed up Doctor House. Hey, Dr. H went crazy for a time, and had to check in someplace -- It happens to the best of us lol
That includes me, since I had to be hospitalized in a "retreat" hospital in the early 90s. "Retreat" was a nice way to say psych ward. But it was a have-to thing at the time, and when you need to do something that'll help you in the long run, or at least keep you from offing yourself in the meantime, you've got to do it.
I would say, however, that in my case, it was the bill from the "retreat" that knocked me back into reality, not so much the "treatment."
The craziest thing about our mental health system [this includes help for addiction] is not the people who are clients, but the system itself. We'd be a much more productive society if we had better access to doctors, facilities, treatments, and yes, pharmaceuticals.
"Better living through pharmaceuticals."
And that was tonight's soapbox :O)
'Night all,
~Pym
Spencer has recovered from the weekend, and cooked quite a tasty dinner for us this afternoon. Earlier, I was able to talk to our psychologist/counselor, who gave us three options to look into for a rehab facility. I can't tell you how just having options opens a crack in the clouds. I don't expect miracles, but I believe in progress, and that's what keeps me going.
And love, of course: for my own lovable, screwed up Doctor House. Hey, Dr. H went crazy for a time, and had to check in someplace -- It happens to the best of us lol
That includes me, since I had to be hospitalized in a "retreat" hospital in the early 90s. "Retreat" was a nice way to say psych ward. But it was a have-to thing at the time, and when you need to do something that'll help you in the long run, or at least keep you from offing yourself in the meantime, you've got to do it.
I would say, however, that in my case, it was the bill from the "retreat" that knocked me back into reality, not so much the "treatment."
The craziest thing about our mental health system [this includes help for addiction] is not the people who are clients, but the system itself. We'd be a much more productive society if we had better access to doctors, facilities, treatments, and yes, pharmaceuticals.
"Better living through pharmaceuticals."
And that was tonight's soapbox :O)
'Night all,
~Pym
Monday, September 20, 2010
House Season Premiere
Just finished watching the season premiere of House!
We've been waiting all summer for this!
And...it was a lot like watching Spencer and me interact: we really do love each other, we have great sex together, and we both acknowledge that he's really screwed up. Also, I have my own "by-the-book" neuroses, like Cuddy, that probably drive Spencer crazy, too. [And, wow, do I wish I looked like her! lol]
It may be no coincidence that we are drawn to watch a television program that plays out some of the love/"hate" relationship we have with each other; the problems of a brilliant madman, and a strong but loving woman. In my case, I need to use my strength more to assert myself for the good of our relationship, and our health--both physical and mental.
Spencer and I spoke a little more after work today, about this past weekend. I said I was going to call our psychologist to see if he can help Spencer get into a residential rehab facility. [Supposedly so many beds are to be left available for those without insurance, but there's a long waiting list. Please send us positive thoughts on the effort.] Spencer said that if he can be admitted, he'll go.
That's what I needed to hear.
'Night all,
~Pym
We've been waiting all summer for this!
And...it was a lot like watching Spencer and me interact: we really do love each other, we have great sex together, and we both acknowledge that he's really screwed up. Also, I have my own "by-the-book" neuroses, like Cuddy, that probably drive Spencer crazy, too. [And, wow, do I wish I looked like her! lol]
It may be no coincidence that we are drawn to watch a television program that plays out some of the love/"hate" relationship we have with each other; the problems of a brilliant madman, and a strong but loving woman. In my case, I need to use my strength more to assert myself for the good of our relationship, and our health--both physical and mental.
Spencer and I spoke a little more after work today, about this past weekend. I said I was going to call our psychologist to see if he can help Spencer get into a residential rehab facility. [Supposedly so many beds are to be left available for those without insurance, but there's a long waiting list. Please send us positive thoughts on the effort.] Spencer said that if he can be admitted, he'll go.
That's what I needed to hear.
'Night all,
~Pym
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Moving Backward...
This is going to be pretty much a stream of consciousness post; I'm not going to worry about paragraphs or spelling. I've had such a horrible past two nights that I've just got to get it out or I'm going to scream! I don't even know what details to give but suffice it to say Spencer is truly driving me insane. I think I'm going to end up in a hospital, or I'm going to put him in a hospital: either a rehab one, or because I've beaned him with a blunt object! And I know when he reads this he's going to only see reasons that he should leave; or reasons to do himself in. He'll fail to see another option: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
I think he's purposely trying to push me away; either so he can fulfill this self-destructive, self-fulfilling prophecy of "no one loves me or cares about me" or so I can be the ultimate bitch like his last live-in, fifteen years ago. He keeps saying, when he's drunk, you should leave me, you should divorce me. Maybe I should, but I'm not planning on it.
When he's sober and doing things such as going to our counselor, like just last Wednesday, there is always so much hope! But when he drinks, and then gets a Mr. Hyde personality like he has the last two nights, it's just a nightmare!
I don't know what makes the difference between the "good binges" [if they can really be called that] and these nightmare binges. He has such a self-destructive attitude. Friday night he was saying he didn't want to be here [life] anymore; that wait and he'll be gone. He punched the stove, slammed his fist on the counter, we argued, I cried, I tried to go to bed so he'd leave me alone, but he just follows me...talking...and talking...in my ear, practically smothering me while I'm lying there...sometimes saying scary things, sometimes mean things. I had to hold back from hitting him, which I've done in the past out of pure rage. I drank most of my 1/2 pint of brandy, to try to escape and keep calm; I took a 1/2 xanax. Finally he'd leave the room and I'd bawl my eyes out. Then he came back and finally fell asleep.
When he reads this he's, again, only going to see reasons he should leave or kill himself...I'm terrifying of him hurting himself... Or he's going to hold it against me that I've written all I've written. It'll make him look bad. He's said before [sober], I don't want to be that jerk that everyone points to and says, "there's that guy; he's a jerk; stay away from him" but yet his actions [drunk] push him into that category.
And I know this Mr. Hyde personality isn't really him; it's his terrors, and childhood traumas, and his fears coming out, like some kind of toxicity that seethes through his skin...but the real him is Dr. Jekyll, the loving, kind, smart, and funny person I married.
Gotta take a breath here.
I know I shouldn't be drinking either, and there's no excuse except my need of escape also. I want it so I can be calm and just fall asleep. I've had my own suicidal thoughts as well, and was tempted to down more than brandy, but I won't do that; I know how much a suicide in Spencer's family affected him, and I'd never do that to him or to my family.
That's something I just can't understand: he's so tormented by this suicide of a loved one, but he seems to think he can turn around and put me through that same torment and nightmare. How dare he even consider it? And I also can't fathom, knowing how much Spencer went through with an abusive alcoholic dad, how can it be okay to put me, and us, through it today? I know these are simplistic questions and the answers are multi-layered and oh-so-complex, but to just have him realize the irony would be a start.
Whew, I think I'm a bit spent now, but it feels so good to have gotten a lot off my chest!
I want to also add that Friday night, while I was bawling, I was saying inside, "I need a friend, I need a friend!" and after Spencer fell asleep and I got on the computer for a distraction, in the beautiful synchronicity of the Universe, I was message by a friend, Charlie--someone from my home state who I'd only just begun re-corresponding with in the last few months, a friend whom I love very much, and I thank him for listening to me and giving me some laughs and a lot of support.
Of course the next day, Spencer finds Charlie's cell phone number and asks me if I'm going to leave him. No, Baby, I am NOT planning on leaving you. If I ever do leave, it will not be for another person; it would be to regain my sanity and live by myself! I don't want to live with anyone else; I want to live with the man I married, but it's got to be a sane, productive, thriving existence; we've got the love mastered, how come we can't get the other stuff right?
I think he's purposely trying to push me away; either so he can fulfill this self-destructive, self-fulfilling prophecy of "no one loves me or cares about me" or so I can be the ultimate bitch like his last live-in, fifteen years ago. He keeps saying, when he's drunk, you should leave me, you should divorce me. Maybe I should, but I'm not planning on it.
When he's sober and doing things such as going to our counselor, like just last Wednesday, there is always so much hope! But when he drinks, and then gets a Mr. Hyde personality like he has the last two nights, it's just a nightmare!
I don't know what makes the difference between the "good binges" [if they can really be called that] and these nightmare binges. He has such a self-destructive attitude. Friday night he was saying he didn't want to be here [life] anymore; that wait and he'll be gone. He punched the stove, slammed his fist on the counter, we argued, I cried, I tried to go to bed so he'd leave me alone, but he just follows me...talking...and talking...in my ear, practically smothering me while I'm lying there...sometimes saying scary things, sometimes mean things. I had to hold back from hitting him, which I've done in the past out of pure rage. I drank most of my 1/2 pint of brandy, to try to escape and keep calm; I took a 1/2 xanax. Finally he'd leave the room and I'd bawl my eyes out. Then he came back and finally fell asleep.
When he reads this he's, again, only going to see reasons he should leave or kill himself...I'm terrifying of him hurting himself... Or he's going to hold it against me that I've written all I've written. It'll make him look bad. He's said before [sober], I don't want to be that jerk that everyone points to and says, "there's that guy; he's a jerk; stay away from him" but yet his actions [drunk] push him into that category.
And I know this Mr. Hyde personality isn't really him; it's his terrors, and childhood traumas, and his fears coming out, like some kind of toxicity that seethes through his skin...but the real him is Dr. Jekyll, the loving, kind, smart, and funny person I married.
Gotta take a breath here.
I know I shouldn't be drinking either, and there's no excuse except my need of escape also. I want it so I can be calm and just fall asleep. I've had my own suicidal thoughts as well, and was tempted to down more than brandy, but I won't do that; I know how much a suicide in Spencer's family affected him, and I'd never do that to him or to my family.
That's something I just can't understand: he's so tormented by this suicide of a loved one, but he seems to think he can turn around and put me through that same torment and nightmare. How dare he even consider it? And I also can't fathom, knowing how much Spencer went through with an abusive alcoholic dad, how can it be okay to put me, and us, through it today? I know these are simplistic questions and the answers are multi-layered and oh-so-complex, but to just have him realize the irony would be a start.
Whew, I think I'm a bit spent now, but it feels so good to have gotten a lot off my chest!
I want to also add that Friday night, while I was bawling, I was saying inside, "I need a friend, I need a friend!" and after Spencer fell asleep and I got on the computer for a distraction, in the beautiful synchronicity of the Universe, I was message by a friend, Charlie--someone from my home state who I'd only just begun re-corresponding with in the last few months, a friend whom I love very much, and I thank him for listening to me and giving me some laughs and a lot of support.
Of course the next day, Spencer finds Charlie's cell phone number and asks me if I'm going to leave him. No, Baby, I am NOT planning on leaving you. If I ever do leave, it will not be for another person; it would be to regain my sanity and live by myself! I don't want to live with anyone else; I want to live with the man I married, but it's got to be a sane, productive, thriving existence; we've got the love mastered, how come we can't get the other stuff right?
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