TGWTDT Quickie

Quickie post this morning...things are going smoothly here lately, and Fall seems to have arrived -- yay! It's my favorite time of year!

Wanted to mention that over the weekend I viewed the Swedish film The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo -- and it was a rocking thriller, so well-acted, that I think it must be pure arrogance on Hollywood's part to think it needs to be remade here. I can't wait for the next film, which I believe is being worked on: The Girl Who Played With Fire. [The third should be The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest; all are based on author Stieg Larsson's set of thriller novels.]

http://www.musicboxfilms.com/the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo

If you get a chance, I highly recommend seeing it!
Enjoy!

Must dash,
~Pym

Hot Tub Time Machine

'Forgot to mention something very good from yesterday: Spencer got his appointment confirmation letter from our community's substance abuse rehabilitation center, for the 2nd week of October. It's an initial assessment of his situation and they'll then decide whether he can go for intensive outpatient or will need inpatient rehab.

Wheels are rolling -- YEAH!

My first day off yesterday was fun, us having lunch and conversation with Amanda and her sister. They really are such cool people! ;O)

Let's see, then we ran a few errands, stopped for a visit at another friend's place, and came home and--limiting ourselves both on alcohol [Spencer stuck to his promise of only a six-pack, and I had a couple glasses of wine]--watched Hot Tub Time Machine...OMG, it was hilarious! Spencer related quite a bit to the character of Lou [the anything-goes alcoholic] and I really liked the geeky 20-year-old nephew! He was adorable and a hoot! The fashions made me cringe, too, especially knowing that I wore that stuff, big hair and all! Yuk!

Today I cleaned the living room, Spencer did dishes, and we went out to lunch and took one lap around the mall for exercise. However it was so crowded, mostly with teenagers, that we ditched our second lap and came home and took a nap lol

This evening I took Spencer over to Kip's, and I came back home, fixed guacamole, and will have some wine, snacks and a movie.

Baby has been either itching or sleeping all day lol Poor thing, we're waiting for his Capstar order to arrive so we can tackle some of his fleas.

I heard from Huxley earlier today, and am hoping to touch base with Cary.

It's been a nice day: relaxing, no fussing, good food, nap, and company.
And I'm very thankful.

~Pym

First Day of Vacation

'Morning of my first off-day for a few days of vacation, yeah!
I'm hoping it's as relaxing as I'd anticipated.

Spencer's still sleeping last night off, but I need to get him up soon, since we're supposed to be meeting with Amanda for lunch, just to get "caught up" and talk with her and her sister.

Spencer and I did argue quite a bit last night after he came home from Kip's. My patience is so rice-paper thin that I'm really pushing back right now. It's not even just the drinking, or the quantity, but that he cannot leave me alone while he's doing it! He can stay in his own lil office and do whatever he wants to do, but no, he's gotta come in to the bedroom or living room--where ever I'm hanging out or trying to sleep-- and bug, complain, lecture, berate, argue...

I do love him, but...whew!

'Nuf complaining from me, too...just had to vent!
Here's hoping the next few days go terrifically!

Best,
Pym

Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals

Had a really good day at work today, getting a lot done; I'd say it was a record in accomplishing my set tasks, so I'm very happy with that!

Spencer has recovered from the weekend, and cooked quite a tasty dinner for us this afternoon. Earlier, I was able to talk to our psychologist/counselor, who gave us three options to look into for a rehab facility. I can't tell you how just having options opens a crack in the clouds. I don't expect miracles, but I believe in progress, and that's what keeps me going.

And love, of course: for my own lovable, screwed up Doctor House. Hey, Dr. H went crazy for a time, and had to check in someplace -- It happens to the best of us lol

That includes me, since I had to be hospitalized in a "retreat" hospital in the early 90s. "Retreat" was a nice way to say psych ward. But it was a have-to thing at the time, and when you need to do something that'll help you in the long run, or at least keep you from offing yourself in the meantime, you've got to do it.

I would say, however, that in my case, it was the bill from the "retreat" that knocked me back into reality, not so much the "treatment."

The craziest thing about our mental health system [this includes help for addiction] is not the people who are clients, but the system itself. We'd be a much more productive society if we had better access to doctors, facilities, treatments, and yes, pharmaceuticals.

"Better living through pharmaceuticals."

And that was tonight's soapbox :O)

'Night all,
~Pym

House Season Premiere

Just finished watching the season premiere of House!
We've been waiting all summer for this!

And...it was a lot like watching Spencer and me interact: we really do love each other, we have great sex together, and we both acknowledge that he's really screwed up. Also, I have my own "by-the-book" neuroses, like Cuddy, that probably drive Spencer crazy, too. [And, wow, do I wish I looked like her! lol]

It may be no coincidence that we are drawn to watch a television program that plays out some of the love/"hate" relationship we have with each other; the problems of a brilliant madman, and a strong but loving woman. In my case, I need to use my strength more to assert myself for the good of our relationship, and our health--both physical and mental.

Spencer and I spoke a little more after work today, about this past weekend. I said I was going to call our psychologist to see if he can help Spencer get into a residential rehab facility. [Supposedly so many beds are to be left available for those without insurance, but there's a long waiting list. Please send us positive thoughts on the effort.] Spencer said that if he can be admitted, he'll go.

That's what I needed to hear.

'Night all,
~Pym

Sunday After

I'm thankful that I've had a much better day today than yesterday:

Spencer's still on a binge, but we have hardly argued, and he's sleeping right now. We did talk some last night about separating due to the drinking, though I don't know if he'll remember it when he sobers up. It tears my heart out to think of us not living together, but I don't know if I can continue and keep what's left of my mental health that I have.

Spencer didn't mind that I went to see Cary for a while today, either. [However, he wanted a 12-pack, so "he wouldn't go over to Kip's for it."] It felt like the extortion it was but I agreed, because I just didn't want to argue, and was in a hurry.

The time with Cary was a wonderful "mini-vacation" for my body and mind, and Spencer was happy for me when I got home. He was also happy that I brought home dinner lol

Working on a terrible tooth- and headache right now, and will be crashing out soon. I think I hurt my farthest back, right side, tooth on hard pizza crust *rolls eyes at myself* and it's made worse with the constant stress-clenching of my jaw.

I'd like to wake up tomorrow to a clean slate of sorts, between Spencer and me, with some more discussion in the evening of the direction we need to take.

If we can at least keep communicating we may be alright. But the more resentment I feel, the more I want to close off, and that's a feeling I've got to fight if I think our relationship is worth it.

Havin' an early night,
~Pym

A Come-Apart

Yesterday was a terrific day.
Today sucks.

Not every minute of it, but most especially this afternoon, within the last hour.

I'm at such wit's end, I can only type in clipped sentences right now:

Spencer drank last night at Kip's, coming home after another argument.
Kip continually called his cell phone leaving verbal tirades on the voice mail.
Spencer wanted more beer at home since he left it all over at Kip's.
I acquiesced and gave him the debit card and told him he'd have to walk.
I had had a couple beers of my own and wasn't going to drive.
We didn't argue, we had a good evening, drinking and watching Monty Python.

Today, Spencer wanted to go hang out at his brother's house [with more beer].
I took him over there, and went to visit a friend's business open house, in order to give her some moral support.
I did a little shopping, calling Spencer when I was done, to see if he was ready to be picked up from his brother's [it'd been about 4 hours by then].
When I get there, he's not ready, making me wait; my temper already building.
We get home, he gets his drunken ass in the house.
My patience is wearing thin.
He starts digging in my shopping bags, throwing one onto the floor to make himself room on the couch.
That's when I completely fly off the handle. [I think in the South they call it "having a come-apart].
Then Spencer rails at me for flying off at him, and we're yelling, he's throwing groceries, and Baby has run to the other end of the house.
Spencer's hollering at me, calling me a moron.
I'm hollering back that, yes, I am a moron, for putting up with all this.
I was wishing I was dead.
I cried [tears are still coming], but we've calmed down, and even had a bite to eat.
Spencer was still hungry so I put a frozen pizza in for him, thinking if I can get him to eat, I can get him to sleep.
In fact I hear his snores coming from the living room couch right now.
I had to turn to my blog so I could get it off my chest.
I just don't know how I can do this forever.
My temper is short, I've lost my patience, I'm losing my sanity.

And there's still some groceries I can't find, after their flight.

~Pym

I'll Have Pepperoni -- Skip the Toddlers

After work today, Spencer and I had a nice meal at a local pizza buffet. It wasn't exactly a quiet meal, but it tasted good. However, the place was crawling with kids, and one toddler behind us gave out a couple primal howls that made us both cringe.

That's one reason [among others] that we probably couldn't be a poly "family" with kids and all...we're just not parent material. We wouldn't treat kids badly or anything, but we don't go out of our way to be around any, and for sure don't want to live with any! Four-legged furbabies are our speed.

Cary does have children, but I rarely interact with them, since they aren't aware of their parents' lifestyle. However, they seem to be great kids, and I know he puts them first in his life, which I love him even more for. I have on occasion daydreamed that if Spencer and I had to be apart for awhile to sort things out, I could live with Cary and his wife, be their girlfriend, and a helper with the kids. But then I think...naah...I couldn't do it lol I'm actually a little afraid of kids, and I'd probably end up like on that I Love Lucy episode, where Lucy babysat those terrible twins and they played cowboys and Indians and tied her to a chair!

Spencer and I have made the decision to be child-free by choice, and that's probably how we'd better stay.

'Night all,
~Pym

Comic Relief

So we're sittin' in our underwear on the living room couch, watching the new Clash of the Titans on DVD, and some church people knock on the partially-open front door, to invite us to attend some time!

I don't think the dude knocking saw me, but I covered my boobs and ran to the hallway, Baby running ahead of me.

Spencer said the guy might really want me to attend their church now lol

OMG, we had a great laugh outta' that one!

'Night,
~Pym

Taze Me Bro

It's been almost 48 hours since Spencer began this weekend's binge, starting Friday evening, continuing through this morning--with a break of crashing out in snores on the couch for thankfully some hours--and he said to me as I went hurrying out the door this morning that he may not be home when I get back later this evening.

I was going out the door to first go shopping, then come in to work to get some stuff done. The hurrying part was because I just had to get out of the house. Friday night was fine because Spencer stayed at Kip's. Saturday evening he came home after they had another argument [shocking that two guys would get into an argument after a full day of beer-drinking] and I've been a bundle of stress since. It doesn't bode well for a relationship, when things seem to go better when you're apart...just saying.

In the middle of The Men Who Stare At Goats, Spencer came in last night, telling me about the argument with Kip. Then he wanted me to start the movie over so he could watch it. So, I started the movie over and then he kept saying, "I don't like this movie," and talking over it and looking away at the good parts. I said, "Fine, then leave the room; no one's making you watch the movie." And it went downhill from there...

Our communication can be bad in the best of times; add to that his couple dozen beers, my three, and we might as well each be talking to goats. Spencer's personality goes hot and cold, angry to loving, yelling at the TV to solicitude to me, from "I don't know why you married me," to, "I love you so much." This roller-coaster of not knowing how he'll react to anything raises my blood pressure and makes my nerve endings freak out. But then, in a lucid moment, he gives me the most beautiful compliment I've ever gotten: "You're the reason artists paint pictures." Waaah! Then it's followed with more wild talk and anger at the world. It all makes me want to run...literally having the impulse to run out of the house yelling crazy-cat-lady phrases...with only the fear of embarrassment or involuntary committal keeping me in check. Then tomorrow, when he hopefully sobers up, we'll probably have a wonderful day. Is it any wonder that this up and down road is leading me to LoopDeeLoo Land?

Sometimes I want to be knocked out for only a little while; someone klunk me with a frying pan, or taze me; then take me to a beach, coat me with sunblock, lay me down on a towel, and let me wake up with a book in one hand and a Corona in the other. Preferably a beach in Puerto Rico. I'd be more likely to have Benicio del Toro trip over me.

Breathing deeply, moving on for the day.
Thank you, Dear Reader, for being a "listening ear"; it always makes me feel better to get it out.
:O)
~Pym

Familiarity Breeds Irritability

Spencer's over at Kip's this evening, probably till morning, so I can have a quiet night. I just got out of a soapy bath, feeling cleansed and more relaxed now.

I really feel like I've been a bitch lately so I needed it. Somehow, like that phrase "familiarity breeds contempt," I've been letting Spencer's usual quirks and habits get on my nerves. I changed the wording of the phrase, though, because it's not contempt for him that I feel, but irritation. And I feel like it originates with me, not with him.

Spencer's always talked a mile-a-minute, and I do have a hard time getting a word in sometimes. He uses a lot of the same phrases when he talks, repeats words for emphasis, and can be downright predictable. I should be used to all this; but lately it's been stomping on my last nerve. That's why I think it's mainly me being cranky and irritable.

Yesterday I even cried because when I picked him up after work I had some stuff to talk to him about, and because I somehow couldn't verbalize to him to stop talking for a few minutes so that I could say something, I just let myself get more steamed as we did a little shopping and headed back home. At home I was finally able to say what I was wanting to say, and started crying out of frustration, which made him feel bad. We worked out the issue and still had a good evening together, but I felt soo frustrated, not just with him but with my inability to communicate what I was feeling, at the time it was needed.

It could be every-day stresses, added to some things that have come up at work, that are whittling away at me, but I don't want to take these things out on Spencer.

We had our monthly counseling appointment the other morning which went well, but I wasn't feeling that irritable at the time, so I didn't think to bring any of this up.

I've got some vacation time coming up towards the end of this month, so hopefully I can take a necessary "breather" in order to get centered, and quit being so hard on Spencer...and maybe on myself.

~Pym

50th Post!

This is the 50th post for Pym's Escape, and to do something special, I thought I'd list 50 things for which I am grateful!

Enjoy, and add yours in a comment if you like!

Not necessarily in order of importance [though Spencer and Baby are at the top]:

1. Spencer
2. Baby
3. Cary
4. My siblings
5. My parents
6. Huxley [who is a touchstone for me, and made my cool avatar!]
7. Charlie
8. Love
9. CHOCOLATE
10. Books
11. My career
12. My various relatives
13. Health-care coverage
14. Amanda's friendship
15. My best friend in Michigan [Hmm...I need to think of a pseudonym for you K...how about Jo? Like in Little Women, played by Katharine Hepburn!]
16. Our home
17. Our car
18. Always having food in our cabinets
19. The chance to express myself here
20. My local library
21. Water
22. Thunderstorms
23. Cool sunny days
24. Flannel pajamas on chilly nights
25. Going for walks
26. Old black and white movies
27. Our couples counseling
28. Ice cream
29. My Hitachi Magic Wand
30. Mistakes that I can learn from
31. That I once got to travel overseas
32. Mexican restaurants
33. Living in the United States
34. Sex ;O)
35. Campfires
36. Hair coloring lol
37. Computer communication
38. Extra income
39. The beautiful trees around our house
40. The right to vote
41. Having those who protect us, even though I never want war
42. Relaxing days off
43. Almonds
44. Air conditioning in the summer
45. Heat in the winter
46. Telephones and cells
47. Jalapeno potato chips
48. Still having almost all the body parts I was born with :O)
49. Animals
50. Coca-cola!

If you got this far, thanks for sharing some time with me, and I hope you can make a list twice as long -- I know with just a little more thought, I could!

All the best,

~Pym

A "Coming Out" Question

I've yet to "come out" as polyamorous to anyone in my family, but I had a rather odd question just pop into my head last night:

I was wondering if anyone had come out to a parent or sibling, only to find out that their loved-one was also keeping secret a poly lifestyle? Would it be a major coincidence? Or would it mean that upbringing has something to do with the lifestyle choice? Or do I just think up weird stuff? :O)

Happy Monday, Restful Labor Day,
~Pym

Practicing My First Widget, Monroe's Doggy Hip Surgery Through All Breed Animal Rescue of the Carolinas

Labor Day Weekend

It's Sunday morning, and so far we're having a relaxing Labor Day weekend! Spencer is sleeping off his beers from the last two nights, but his behavior was exemplary for his condition lol

Yesterday he grilled out burgers and dogs, not burning them--which was an amazing plus. And we were blessed with a visit from Oskar [a friend to us, and an author of metaphysical books], who was in town and able to come by for a beer and a burger and some awesome, enlightening conversation! This was really good for Spencer, who needed an ear other than mine to listen to some of his on-going experiences in that arena. Though I don't subscribe to every facet of metaphysics, it was definitely thought-provoking to hear their discourse, and I learned a lot.

One thing I'm looking forward to is, the next time Oskar is in town, he's going to do a shamanic ritual and cleanse our house of negativity. This may sound strange to a lot of people, and I don't know myself exactly how or why it may work, but I think just the active thought and participation by us to believe our house cleared of negativity will help make it so. Anyway, to me it is worth a try to feel we're washing away some old traits and taking on some new ones. It may be a few weeks, but when it happens I'd like to share it with you on here.

This morning I've been reading and drinking coffee and spending some time with Baby, when he tolerates my company lol He's my little fuzzy baby boy, but he's definitely more enthused about Spencer's company. Spencer can really bring out the playfulness in Baby, and he's the one who spends more time with him during the day, and feeds him his extra treats, so he's the one Baby looks up at adoringly. I'm so jealous! lol

Here's hoping everyone has a safe weekend, enjoyable company, and fulfilling activities.

Warm regards,
~Pym

Google's New Blog Search

'Got this link via a facebook friend [Thanks ES!] regarding a new way to search for blogs by topic on google. I'm still playing around with it, but it seems like it'll be helpful!

http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/google_launches_blog_finder_for_any_topic.php

Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable, and love-filled, Labor Day weekend!

~Pym

When Marriage Doesn't Go Well

One example of a monogamous marriage not going too well might be my brother Van and his wife Jessica. Lately, and more so right at this moment, I've been really pissed at Jessica for how she talks to my brother. He's one of the most mild-mannered, loving, polite, caring guys I know. And even if he weren't my brother, I'd think so.

Today he texted some of the things she's said to him, berating him for his supposed lack of fatherly and provider skills, almost bordering on verbal abuse. She's chipping away at his self-esteem and deflecting from herself any responsibility for their marital problems. In short, she's a spoiled brat bitch.

Van goes out of his way to spend time with his kids, probably spending more with them than she. But she earns more than he, and somehow this makes her feel she can dominate him.

And Spencer's convinced she's already cuckolding Van, while she's "working late," "at the gym," or on a "girls' night out." Besides that, he thinks she's mentally unbalanced.

Anyway, I just had to vent on this topic, especially when various columnists see monogamy as the only way for close, caring commitment. In my brother's case, he seems trapped in a shooting-gallery of verbal barbs, with his wife determined to deflate any sense of self and esteem right out of him.

I fart in her general direction.
~Pym