One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Today I just got back from a Girl Night Out at a local hotel, and I must say: IT WAS HEAVENLY!

Precipitating my one-night departure were a couple things: Spencer was on his fourth night of binge-drinking, one of which had us in an awful row, and I needed to get away before we rolled back in to another argument; I'd gotten a bit of a bonus from work and wanted to splurge a little on me; I'd recently had a minor outpatient medical procedure but hadn't gotten much rest to recover; and it might provide an opportunity to see Cary in luxurious surroundings [it did *grinning wickedly*].

Spencer was quite obliging to my needs, saying it was probably a good idea. [He's going to his alcohol rehab assessment in a week and a half, and said these past four nights were his "last hurrah" and that I should have my own good time, agreeing I should invite Cary. He's also experiencing some major pain from--we think--sciatica, and he'll be going to a chiropractor next week, but it makes him waaay cranky and difficult to be around; even he says so lol].

So, it was time to take off for an afternoon of relaxation: I grabbed a couple books, loaded up on snacks [Oreos, nuts, jalapeno chips, a caramel apple, bottle of wine] and checked in. I'd been keeping in contact with Cary since I'd gotten the idea to get a room, and he thought he'd be able to come meet me.

Shortly after I checked in and took a quick shower, he got to come over; and we had a wonderful time! We pretty much exhausted ourselves with one thing and another *wink* and then wallowed on the king size bed afterwards, having conversation and even nodding off together.

Cary's been under some stresses of his own and needed attention and pampering, too, so I was honored to be able to share my excursion with him. I'd have done the Girl Night Out thing regardless if he could have made it or not, but him coming [insert double entendre here] was a super bonus! I also gave him the extra room key in case he could come back later, but alas, it was not to be.

However, I did my own wallowing on the bed, watching cable [we don't subscribe to it at home--we're too cheap lol], eating, sipping some wine, and reading. Oh, and showering! That was one of the best showers I've ever experienced in a hotel room, and the soap scent was out-of-this-world! I took 5, count 'em FIVE, showers over a 21-hour period! It all may sound a bit excessive and wasteful, but I considered this "time out" as an investment in my mental health! Heck, if I'd been hospitalized for a week [I was heading in that direction], think of all the resources that would consume. That's how I look at it anyway ;O)

And I'll do it again the next time I'm able; I'm signed up at the hotel reservation web site for "Tenth Night is Free" and I'll be signing up for the individual hotel's rewards program--I'm gonna milk this getaway option for all it's worth: and it's worth more than I can say.

One other thing I wanted to mention was the interesting dream I had while there: I dreamt that Spencer and I joined a "pod" of polyamorous couples and their children. It truly gave me a warm feeling of acceptance and love from everybody, especially the other women. But in another way, it also seemed to narrow down what I think I want from a polyamorous relationship [weird how these things happen in your sleep; and as an aside, I think I had this dream because I kept seeing commercials for Sister Wives on TLC, which I haven't been able to watch yet, and--here's the kicker--I watched part of a documentary on the Manson Family! It was a big yikes, but it also seemed that if Manson hadn't been bat-shit crazy, or if the others on the ranch {supposedly there were a dozen adults and several children all residing there} had ridden him out on a rail, living with a group of people communally could be an idyllic and beautiful way to live...but, I digress]. Even though it was a satisfying experience in the dream to be pod-joined, and Spencer and I would both have other partners, my dream-self decided that I really wanted to be Spencer's primary. I didn't want other women [or other men in my case] to be on the same level of commitment as we were to each other.

I guess in other words, it was fine to be in love with others, but I still wanted us to be each others' number one and "special" mate. We could even live with another couple and exchange partners, but they would be one-anothers' primary mates and the same for us.

Have I gone and made this totally confusing? Am I over-analyzing? Does this make sense to others of you in polyamorous lifestyles? In your opinion does the framework I've described still meet your definition of polyamory?

I'd love to hear any comments or discussion!
Thanks for taking time to read what I think is my longest-post-ever lol

~Pym

Familiarity Breeds Irritability

Spencer's over at Kip's this evening, probably till morning, so I can have a quiet night. I just got out of a soapy bath, feeling cleansed and more relaxed now.

I really feel like I've been a bitch lately so I needed it. Somehow, like that phrase "familiarity breeds contempt," I've been letting Spencer's usual quirks and habits get on my nerves. I changed the wording of the phrase, though, because it's not contempt for him that I feel, but irritation. And I feel like it originates with me, not with him.

Spencer's always talked a mile-a-minute, and I do have a hard time getting a word in sometimes. He uses a lot of the same phrases when he talks, repeats words for emphasis, and can be downright predictable. I should be used to all this; but lately it's been stomping on my last nerve. That's why I think it's mainly me being cranky and irritable.

Yesterday I even cried because when I picked him up after work I had some stuff to talk to him about, and because I somehow couldn't verbalize to him to stop talking for a few minutes so that I could say something, I just let myself get more steamed as we did a little shopping and headed back home. At home I was finally able to say what I was wanting to say, and started crying out of frustration, which made him feel bad. We worked out the issue and still had a good evening together, but I felt soo frustrated, not just with him but with my inability to communicate what I was feeling, at the time it was needed.

It could be every-day stresses, added to some things that have come up at work, that are whittling away at me, but I don't want to take these things out on Spencer.

We had our monthly counseling appointment the other morning which went well, but I wasn't feeling that irritable at the time, so I didn't think to bring any of this up.

I've got some vacation time coming up towards the end of this month, so hopefully I can take a necessary "breather" in order to get centered, and quit being so hard on Spencer...and maybe on myself.

~Pym