TGWTDT Quickie

Quickie post this morning...things are going smoothly here lately, and Fall seems to have arrived -- yay! It's my favorite time of year!

Wanted to mention that over the weekend I viewed the Swedish film The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo -- and it was a rocking thriller, so well-acted, that I think it must be pure arrogance on Hollywood's part to think it needs to be remade here. I can't wait for the next film, which I believe is being worked on: The Girl Who Played With Fire. [The third should be The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest; all are based on author Stieg Larsson's set of thriller novels.]

http://www.musicboxfilms.com/the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo

If you get a chance, I highly recommend seeing it!
Enjoy!

Must dash,
~Pym

Hot Tub Time Machine

'Forgot to mention something very good from yesterday: Spencer got his appointment confirmation letter from our community's substance abuse rehabilitation center, for the 2nd week of October. It's an initial assessment of his situation and they'll then decide whether he can go for intensive outpatient or will need inpatient rehab.

Wheels are rolling -- YEAH!

My first day off yesterday was fun, us having lunch and conversation with Amanda and her sister. They really are such cool people! ;O)

Let's see, then we ran a few errands, stopped for a visit at another friend's place, and came home and--limiting ourselves both on alcohol [Spencer stuck to his promise of only a six-pack, and I had a couple glasses of wine]--watched Hot Tub Time Machine...OMG, it was hilarious! Spencer related quite a bit to the character of Lou [the anything-goes alcoholic] and I really liked the geeky 20-year-old nephew! He was adorable and a hoot! The fashions made me cringe, too, especially knowing that I wore that stuff, big hair and all! Yuk!

Today I cleaned the living room, Spencer did dishes, and we went out to lunch and took one lap around the mall for exercise. However it was so crowded, mostly with teenagers, that we ditched our second lap and came home and took a nap lol

This evening I took Spencer over to Kip's, and I came back home, fixed guacamole, and will have some wine, snacks and a movie.

Baby has been either itching or sleeping all day lol Poor thing, we're waiting for his Capstar order to arrive so we can tackle some of his fleas.

I heard from Huxley earlier today, and am hoping to touch base with Cary.

It's been a nice day: relaxing, no fussing, good food, nap, and company.
And I'm very thankful.

~Pym

First Day of Vacation

'Morning of my first off-day for a few days of vacation, yeah!
I'm hoping it's as relaxing as I'd anticipated.

Spencer's still sleeping last night off, but I need to get him up soon, since we're supposed to be meeting with Amanda for lunch, just to get "caught up" and talk with her and her sister.

Spencer and I did argue quite a bit last night after he came home from Kip's. My patience is so rice-paper thin that I'm really pushing back right now. It's not even just the drinking, or the quantity, but that he cannot leave me alone while he's doing it! He can stay in his own lil office and do whatever he wants to do, but no, he's gotta come in to the bedroom or living room--where ever I'm hanging out or trying to sleep-- and bug, complain, lecture, berate, argue...

I do love him, but...whew!

'Nuf complaining from me, too...just had to vent!
Here's hoping the next few days go terrifically!

Best,
Pym

Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals

Had a really good day at work today, getting a lot done; I'd say it was a record in accomplishing my set tasks, so I'm very happy with that!

Spencer has recovered from the weekend, and cooked quite a tasty dinner for us this afternoon. Earlier, I was able to talk to our psychologist/counselor, who gave us three options to look into for a rehab facility. I can't tell you how just having options opens a crack in the clouds. I don't expect miracles, but I believe in progress, and that's what keeps me going.

And love, of course: for my own lovable, screwed up Doctor House. Hey, Dr. H went crazy for a time, and had to check in someplace -- It happens to the best of us lol

That includes me, since I had to be hospitalized in a "retreat" hospital in the early 90s. "Retreat" was a nice way to say psych ward. But it was a have-to thing at the time, and when you need to do something that'll help you in the long run, or at least keep you from offing yourself in the meantime, you've got to do it.

I would say, however, that in my case, it was the bill from the "retreat" that knocked me back into reality, not so much the "treatment."

The craziest thing about our mental health system [this includes help for addiction] is not the people who are clients, but the system itself. We'd be a much more productive society if we had better access to doctors, facilities, treatments, and yes, pharmaceuticals.

"Better living through pharmaceuticals."

And that was tonight's soapbox :O)

'Night all,
~Pym

House Season Premiere

Just finished watching the season premiere of House!
We've been waiting all summer for this!

And...it was a lot like watching Spencer and me interact: we really do love each other, we have great sex together, and we both acknowledge that he's really screwed up. Also, I have my own "by-the-book" neuroses, like Cuddy, that probably drive Spencer crazy, too. [And, wow, do I wish I looked like her! lol]

It may be no coincidence that we are drawn to watch a television program that plays out some of the love/"hate" relationship we have with each other; the problems of a brilliant madman, and a strong but loving woman. In my case, I need to use my strength more to assert myself for the good of our relationship, and our health--both physical and mental.

Spencer and I spoke a little more after work today, about this past weekend. I said I was going to call our psychologist to see if he can help Spencer get into a residential rehab facility. [Supposedly so many beds are to be left available for those without insurance, but there's a long waiting list. Please send us positive thoughts on the effort.] Spencer said that if he can be admitted, he'll go.

That's what I needed to hear.

'Night all,
~Pym

Sunday After

I'm thankful that I've had a much better day today than yesterday:

Spencer's still on a binge, but we have hardly argued, and he's sleeping right now. We did talk some last night about separating due to the drinking, though I don't know if he'll remember it when he sobers up. It tears my heart out to think of us not living together, but I don't know if I can continue and keep what's left of my mental health that I have.

Spencer didn't mind that I went to see Cary for a while today, either. [However, he wanted a 12-pack, so "he wouldn't go over to Kip's for it."] It felt like the extortion it was but I agreed, because I just didn't want to argue, and was in a hurry.

The time with Cary was a wonderful "mini-vacation" for my body and mind, and Spencer was happy for me when I got home. He was also happy that I brought home dinner lol

Working on a terrible tooth- and headache right now, and will be crashing out soon. I think I hurt my farthest back, right side, tooth on hard pizza crust *rolls eyes at myself* and it's made worse with the constant stress-clenching of my jaw.

I'd like to wake up tomorrow to a clean slate of sorts, between Spencer and me, with some more discussion in the evening of the direction we need to take.

If we can at least keep communicating we may be alright. But the more resentment I feel, the more I want to close off, and that's a feeling I've got to fight if I think our relationship is worth it.

Havin' an early night,
~Pym

A Come-Apart

Yesterday was a terrific day.
Today sucks.

Not every minute of it, but most especially this afternoon, within the last hour.

I'm at such wit's end, I can only type in clipped sentences right now:

Spencer drank last night at Kip's, coming home after another argument.
Kip continually called his cell phone leaving verbal tirades on the voice mail.
Spencer wanted more beer at home since he left it all over at Kip's.
I acquiesced and gave him the debit card and told him he'd have to walk.
I had had a couple beers of my own and wasn't going to drive.
We didn't argue, we had a good evening, drinking and watching Monty Python.

Today, Spencer wanted to go hang out at his brother's house [with more beer].
I took him over there, and went to visit a friend's business open house, in order to give her some moral support.
I did a little shopping, calling Spencer when I was done, to see if he was ready to be picked up from his brother's [it'd been about 4 hours by then].
When I get there, he's not ready, making me wait; my temper already building.
We get home, he gets his drunken ass in the house.
My patience is wearing thin.
He starts digging in my shopping bags, throwing one onto the floor to make himself room on the couch.
That's when I completely fly off the handle. [I think in the South they call it "having a come-apart].
Then Spencer rails at me for flying off at him, and we're yelling, he's throwing groceries, and Baby has run to the other end of the house.
Spencer's hollering at me, calling me a moron.
I'm hollering back that, yes, I am a moron, for putting up with all this.
I was wishing I was dead.
I cried [tears are still coming], but we've calmed down, and even had a bite to eat.
Spencer was still hungry so I put a frozen pizza in for him, thinking if I can get him to eat, I can get him to sleep.
In fact I hear his snores coming from the living room couch right now.
I had to turn to my blog so I could get it off my chest.
I just don't know how I can do this forever.
My temper is short, I've lost my patience, I'm losing my sanity.

And there's still some groceries I can't find, after their flight.

~Pym