Tearful Night

Last night I had a hard night, though I can't put my finger on exactly why. Spencer had to comfort me while I slowly cried and couldn't explain the sadness. I do take Paxil for ocd symptoms and some depression, but I'd missed a couple doses while waiting to pick up my refill and that may have contributed some.

I also feel a bit rejected that I haven't heard from Cary in almost a week. Granted, his last text five days ago said "I love you" but I admit I need more communication. Spencer said Cary is dealing with a lot since his wife had recently asked him for a divorce, and I do know that, but I want to help him through it if I can, and I feel like I can't reach out to him.

It's also very possible that he's having to reign in texts/emails/chats so that nothing can be held against him in a divorce proceeding, but I would understand that, too, if he'd just let me know.

Anyhow, that's my confused perspective at the moment.

I was really thinking last night that when this relationship with Cary runs its course, I don't want to date anyone for awhile. I won't keep Spencer from seeking anyone else out, but I'm just emotionally tired.

It hurts too much.