Lost a Friend

I found out yesterday that I lost my friend, Seth, who I knew through work. He was an older gentleman, but the last time I saw him he was looking great. This is quite a shock to all, and I've been bumming quite a bit and spent most of the day yesterday thinking of him, and how I can't believe it. We don't even know yet how he died, or when will be the funeral.

He made a point to talk to me whenever he came into the building, and he always kissed me on the cheek. He was a gentleman, but I always thought he was just a bit smitten with me. This isn't ego talking, since Spencer got the same vibe when we'd run into him. I was quite flattered, actually. :O)

Spencer liked him, too, since they had some interests in common. I'd recently encouraged each of them to talk more to one other because of this. So sad that they didn't have a chance to really get together other than on facebook.

This happened so fast, that it makes me want to tell those around me that I love them, early and often. Please take every chance you get to do the same.

Hugs,
~Pym

Funeral Today

Kip's Dad's funeral was today, and it wasn't as stressful as I'd anticipated. Kip can be immature in many ways, and doesn't get along with his older brother, so I expected some family disfunction and thankfully things seemed to go smoothly. It was a nice graveside service with not quite so much in-your-face Bible thumping we've experienced at others. Everyone roasted in the hot sun with some folks even getting sunburn. Spencer and another friend are staying with Kip tonight to keep him company.

I've been sipping on a Miller Chill and spending too much time on this computer, when I could be reading or playing with Baby. But I wasn't totally unproductive, as I sent Cary an email with a description of a daydream I had about us today, and a few pics added for good measure. ;O)

'Night all,
~Pym

Tomorrow is a Funeral

Tomorrow we go to Kip's Dad's funeral. I just hate going to funerals. And it's roasting, and it might storm. But the worst part is that someone has died.

I've always had an obsession with death, even as a little kid. I'd sit and think about death, and being dead for infinity, and then wig out, screaming. And I couldn't explain to anyone what my fear was.

It's not as bad as an adult, but lately the fear and obsession have been constantly hovering over my head. If I watch an old movie, all I can think of is that the actors are now dead. If I read a historical novel, all I can think of is that these people would be dead by now. I'm always worrying about family members and friends, and especially about anyone older, like my parents.

Death just seems so inevitable; not like when we were younger and, even though we knew of it and feared it, thought it would never touch us. We'd never die. Our loved ones would never die.

After having experienced my mother-in-law dying, and some work colleagues in past years, and even acquaintances my age or younger, it's just constantly staring me in the face. To the point that I'm not enjoying a lot of my activities.

Spending time with Spencer helps; he makes me laugh and makes me feel alive when we make love. And I'm so fortunate that he gives me the gift of time to spend with Cary. I'm really lucky in so many ways.

Obsessing like this is something I've got to keep working on, and I hope I can eventually shake off, so that I can live and love without worrying when it's all going to end.

I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks and worries the way I do...

~Pym

A Friend's Dad

Spencer's friend Kip lost his Dad this afternoon. I guess it was expected since Hospice had been called in, but nevertheless, Kip's going to need Spencer for moral support, and to be a pallbearer.

Spencer's staying with Kip tonight, which I think is helpful, but I hope they don't drown their sorrows too much in beer. I don't blame Kip for Spencer's drinking, but they started the drinking habit together twenty years ago, and neither one can say no to more drinks, so it does make me a bit nervous.

But since Spencer has shown improvement lately, I'll just have to trust he'll know now is not the time to overdo it.

It does give me an evening to read and have Baby the cat all to myself. :O)

Besides my thoughts being with Kip and his family, they're also with my friend Huxley. He's having a sort of crisis of conscience, in that an old girlfriend wants to meet him again and maybe rekindle old flames. The problem is that they are both married.

I'm not going to be judgmental, because I took those steps in my previous marriage, and cheated on my first husband. But I am worried about him getting hurt, and his wife getting hurt. I don't know the old girlfriend, and I'm afraid she's just trying to test whether she "still has it" at the expense of my friend, so I say she's on her own. It's him I care about.

Must dash -- my book and Baby await,
'Night,
~Pym