Spencer's over at Kip's this evening, probably till morning, so I can have a quiet night. I just got out of a soapy bath, feeling cleansed and more relaxed now.
I really feel like I've been a bitch lately so I needed it. Somehow, like that phrase "familiarity breeds contempt," I've been letting Spencer's usual quirks and habits get on my nerves. I changed the wording of the phrase, though, because it's not contempt for him that I feel, but irritation. And I feel like it originates with me, not with him.
Spencer's always talked a mile-a-minute, and I do have a hard time getting a word in sometimes. He uses a lot of the same phrases when he talks, repeats words for emphasis, and can be downright predictable. I should be used to all this; but lately it's been stomping on my last nerve. That's why I think it's mainly me being cranky and irritable.
Yesterday I even cried because when I picked him up after work I had some stuff to talk to him about, and because I somehow couldn't verbalize to him to stop talking for a few minutes so that I could say something, I just let myself get more steamed as we did a little shopping and headed back home. At home I was finally able to say what I was wanting to say, and started crying out of frustration, which made him feel bad. We worked out the issue and still had a good evening together, but I felt soo frustrated, not just with him but with my inability to communicate what I was feeling, at the time it was needed.
It could be every-day stresses, added to some things that have come up at work, that are whittling away at me, but I don't want to take these things out on Spencer.
We had our monthly counseling appointment the other morning which went well, but I wasn't feeling that irritable at the time, so I didn't think to bring any of this up.
I've got some vacation time coming up towards the end of this month, so hopefully I can take a necessary "breather" in order to get centered, and quit being so hard on Spencer...and maybe on myself.
~Pym
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