Really, to where would I escape if I could?
Being 1st generation German-American, you'd think the lovely little town where my parents grew up, with the central church spire, in the northwest of Germany.
Or having travelled once [a trip of a lifetime] to Istanbul, that might be a choice as well.
But being a dedicated Anglophile from young adulthood, and having recently watched Sense and Sensibilty, and because I'm presently reading same, I've decided the best place for me to escape: a stone cottage on a hillside in Devonshire.
If you had one place you could go, that would be both paradise and contentment for you, where would it be?
~Pym
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It's March Already??
Wow, I haven't posted in quite awhile, and I'm not sure where to start in order to catch up! I've got to make a more concerted effort to post in a timely manner, even if the posts are shorter in length!
Let's see, I think we last left off with Spencer cutting ties with his drinking buddy Kip. Kip's reaction wasn't one of maturity, and it got so bad that we had to file harassment charges against him. We're not sure when the court date will be, but it's been nice and quiet since we filed.
Spencer has been doing much better as far as his anger issues that accompanied drinking with Kip. And the quantity of beer consumed is less on any given evening, though there have been some stretches of up to five evenings in a row. But I'll take lower quantities and more evenings over excessive quantities once or twice a week and lots of angry talk and arguing.
In general, I say we're getting along noticeably better, laughing together more, spending evenings watching television, talking, reading, and have had some luscious sex.
And I've had really good moral support from Huxley and Cary and a couple guys on facebook [ES and BD] for which I'm thankful.
Spencer is also back to focusing on some of his metaphysical interests and helping with a group in a neighboring city that meets monthly to discuss related topics. It's given him more purpose and makes him feel necessary and needed. He's also starting a life-coach program with a recent presenter, and we've got hopes that it'll at least give him skills to set goals and create a strategy to meet them.
I'd really also like for him to find a companion as special to him as Cary is to me. I'm hoping that with his participation in this metaphysical group, he'll find someone like-minded and compatible. It's been a blessing to me to have Cary, and the growing, though at this point long-distance, friendship I have with Huxley, and I want Spencer to feel as appreciated and loved as I do--to feel those things from someone in addition to me. He's allowed me that gift, and he deserves the same.
On a different note, we did get to go away for a couple nights to a local resort/casino, and though the beer flowed freely, we hardly argued or fussed. And we ate like each meal was our last lol. But it was a great escape, and knowing Baby was being taken care of by our house-sitter enabled us to relax and not worry so much. We usually only get to travel once a year together, so we made the most of it!
That's where I'll leave it for this evening,
But I thank you for checking back in with me,
And I wish you,
Warmer days and cozier nights,
~Pym
Let's see, I think we last left off with Spencer cutting ties with his drinking buddy Kip. Kip's reaction wasn't one of maturity, and it got so bad that we had to file harassment charges against him. We're not sure when the court date will be, but it's been nice and quiet since we filed.
Spencer has been doing much better as far as his anger issues that accompanied drinking with Kip. And the quantity of beer consumed is less on any given evening, though there have been some stretches of up to five evenings in a row. But I'll take lower quantities and more evenings over excessive quantities once or twice a week and lots of angry talk and arguing.
In general, I say we're getting along noticeably better, laughing together more, spending evenings watching television, talking, reading, and have had some luscious sex.
And I've had really good moral support from Huxley and Cary and a couple guys on facebook [ES and BD] for which I'm thankful.
Spencer is also back to focusing on some of his metaphysical interests and helping with a group in a neighboring city that meets monthly to discuss related topics. It's given him more purpose and makes him feel necessary and needed. He's also starting a life-coach program with a recent presenter, and we've got hopes that it'll at least give him skills to set goals and create a strategy to meet them.
I'd really also like for him to find a companion as special to him as Cary is to me. I'm hoping that with his participation in this metaphysical group, he'll find someone like-minded and compatible. It's been a blessing to me to have Cary, and the growing, though at this point long-distance, friendship I have with Huxley, and I want Spencer to feel as appreciated and loved as I do--to feel those things from someone in addition to me. He's allowed me that gift, and he deserves the same.
On a different note, we did get to go away for a couple nights to a local resort/casino, and though the beer flowed freely, we hardly argued or fussed. And we ate like each meal was our last lol. But it was a great escape, and knowing Baby was being taken care of by our house-sitter enabled us to relax and not worry so much. We usually only get to travel once a year together, so we made the most of it!
That's where I'll leave it for this evening,
But I thank you for checking back in with me,
And I wish you,
Warmer days and cozier nights,
~Pym
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Poem Published!
Hot damn! A poem I submitted was recently published to Talent Drips Erotic Publishing [December issue] -- how exciting!
You can read it here at this link [it's the second poem: titled Until Forever]:
http://ashygirlforgirls.tripod.com/talentdripseroticpublishings/id1.html
See if you can figure out who/what it's about ;O)
Regards,
~Pym
You can read it here at this link [it's the second poem: titled Until Forever]:
http://ashygirlforgirls.tripod.com/talentdripseroticpublishings/id1.html
See if you can figure out who/what it's about ;O)
Regards,
~Pym
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Lately
A couple things have been going on lately to give me some extra stress, and Spencer will be happy to know that they're not because of anything he's done lol -- at least not directly.
First off, Spencer has cut ties with Kip, his drinking buddy. A toxic relationship indeed.
The trouble there is that Kip has reacted like a jilted girlfriend, contacting mutual friends to leave messages, and destroying some of the "gifts" given to him by Spencer in the past. One of which he sliced up with a knife or some sharp object. That prompted me to almost have a panic attack, thinking he's going to break in and hurt Baby, just to get back at Spencer. We're even considering taking out a restraining order on him.
Spencer and Huxley had to talk me down from the panic, though reasonable caution [and keeping our video camera with us always] is still the watchword.
The other thing happening that's hurt my feelings is the lack of communication from Cary. And I admit, it may be me being too sensitive on this one: Cary had a huge test that he needed to pass the other night, and I'd been really in his corner, rooting for him. But when he passed, he didn't text me to let me know, I had to find out from a facebook posting. It makes me feel a bit slighted and taken for granted. Along with that, a bunch of women on his friends list -- buxom, beautiful, and technically "free" -- congratulated him, and yes, jealousy has reared it's ugly head lol [Mine apparently.]
I'm sure I'm making a big deal out of that, but the feelings are real, and it's difficult for me to tamp them down. I think the reason it's bothering me is that I know Cary will eventually move on to someone he can marry, and maybe even have more kids with, and that even though I've been the one who has been his strongest supporter during the turmoil of his divorce, I know I'm going to get left in the dust of whatever his new life brings; and I know it's going to hurt.
But those are the consequences for the choices I've made in this life, and even though I'll probably feel pain, the love and relationship is still worth it.
There's also a bright spot on my horizon, and that's my friendship with Huxley. He's been given permission by his wife to gain sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and we'd both like very much to be able to consummate that freedom together.
Spencer has given his consent, and the only reason I'm wavering now is in consideration of Cary's feelings. On one hand, because of how much he's been hurt by his soon-to-be-ex-wife, I'm a little afraid to even broach the subject with him. On the other hand, his lack of communication -- and our co- lack of communication on the topic of seeing others [do we? is he? can I?] makes me wonder if it's something I should tell him at all. It seems we have a weird, unspoken agreement to not talk about personal things outside of we two.
I know that's anathema to the poly philosophy, but I also know that at this point I don't want to know if he's seeing someone else, and I'm honestly not sure if he'd want to know if I was. Only because of making sure we stay disease-free would I need to know.
I also don't want Huxley to feel like some Plan B, because if I thought no feelings were going to be hurt, I'd have been up to see him looong ago ;O)
Time to dash, but comments and advice are welcome,
Regards,
~Pym
First off, Spencer has cut ties with Kip, his drinking buddy. A toxic relationship indeed.
The trouble there is that Kip has reacted like a jilted girlfriend, contacting mutual friends to leave messages, and destroying some of the "gifts" given to him by Spencer in the past. One of which he sliced up with a knife or some sharp object. That prompted me to almost have a panic attack, thinking he's going to break in and hurt Baby, just to get back at Spencer. We're even considering taking out a restraining order on him.
Spencer and Huxley had to talk me down from the panic, though reasonable caution [and keeping our video camera with us always] is still the watchword.
The other thing happening that's hurt my feelings is the lack of communication from Cary. And I admit, it may be me being too sensitive on this one: Cary had a huge test that he needed to pass the other night, and I'd been really in his corner, rooting for him. But when he passed, he didn't text me to let me know, I had to find out from a facebook posting. It makes me feel a bit slighted and taken for granted. Along with that, a bunch of women on his friends list -- buxom, beautiful, and technically "free" -- congratulated him, and yes, jealousy has reared it's ugly head lol [Mine apparently.]
I'm sure I'm making a big deal out of that, but the feelings are real, and it's difficult for me to tamp them down. I think the reason it's bothering me is that I know Cary will eventually move on to someone he can marry, and maybe even have more kids with, and that even though I've been the one who has been his strongest supporter during the turmoil of his divorce, I know I'm going to get left in the dust of whatever his new life brings; and I know it's going to hurt.
But those are the consequences for the choices I've made in this life, and even though I'll probably feel pain, the love and relationship is still worth it.
There's also a bright spot on my horizon, and that's my friendship with Huxley. He's been given permission by his wife to gain sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and we'd both like very much to be able to consummate that freedom together.
Spencer has given his consent, and the only reason I'm wavering now is in consideration of Cary's feelings. On one hand, because of how much he's been hurt by his soon-to-be-ex-wife, I'm a little afraid to even broach the subject with him. On the other hand, his lack of communication -- and our co- lack of communication on the topic of seeing others [do we? is he? can I?] makes me wonder if it's something I should tell him at all. It seems we have a weird, unspoken agreement to not talk about personal things outside of we two.
I know that's anathema to the poly philosophy, but I also know that at this point I don't want to know if he's seeing someone else, and I'm honestly not sure if he'd want to know if I was. Only because of making sure we stay disease-free would I need to know.
I also don't want Huxley to feel like some Plan B, because if I thought no feelings were going to be hurt, I'd have been up to see him looong ago ;O)
Time to dash, but comments and advice are welcome,
Regards,
~Pym
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Reboot
It's a new year, and even though I had considered deactivating Pym's Escape, I've decided to keep it up.
KBO, that's what Winston Churchill said, "Keep Buggering On."
I hadn't posted for awhile because at first, things were going much better, and I hadn't had to escape into Pym's. Then the weather got too cold to even sit for long in our computer room. But what might have been the final blow to Pym's was that it didn't feel therapeutic or beneficial any longer, when Spencer would say during or after an argument, "go tell it on Pym's." It felt like it was the end of me being able to be open and honest on Pym's without it later being chucked in my face.
When we'd both cooled down after that particular argument, Spencer asked me to keep the blog up and use it; that I needed the outlet.
In that spirit then, of having healthy outlets, I'm declaring 2011 The Year of Pym's Mental Health.
Though changing from one year to another is mainly a psychological move [every night at midnight, even every minute or every second is a change from one year to another] it's still a good opportunity to set some mental goals, to delineate a starting point for improvement.
And in declaring 2011 The Year of Pym's Mental Health, I'm sort of declaring my independence. Independence from all the worrying and wigging-out over Spencer's drinking -- it's not anything I can control anyway. Independence from other worries that plague me as an obsessive-compulsive. And my actions and decisions will be based on how something will effect my mental health.
In essence, I come first.
That doesn't mean that what I decide will be counter to what Spencer may need, or what my relationship with him, or with Cary, or with Huxley [which may be progressing towards physical intimacy as well] will need. What I need isn't necessarily mutually exclusive to what others need, but I'm putting my mental health first. I don't think any of the people who love me will begrudge me that.
Here's to a new year, new friendships, new-life to important relationships, and a shiny, refurbished, almost-like-new but even better mental outlook.
KBO, that's what Winston Churchill said, "Keep Buggering On."
I hadn't posted for awhile because at first, things were going much better, and I hadn't had to escape into Pym's. Then the weather got too cold to even sit for long in our computer room. But what might have been the final blow to Pym's was that it didn't feel therapeutic or beneficial any longer, when Spencer would say during or after an argument, "go tell it on Pym's." It felt like it was the end of me being able to be open and honest on Pym's without it later being chucked in my face.
When we'd both cooled down after that particular argument, Spencer asked me to keep the blog up and use it; that I needed the outlet.
In that spirit then, of having healthy outlets, I'm declaring 2011 The Year of Pym's Mental Health.
Though changing from one year to another is mainly a psychological move [every night at midnight, even every minute or every second is a change from one year to another] it's still a good opportunity to set some mental goals, to delineate a starting point for improvement.
And in declaring 2011 The Year of Pym's Mental Health, I'm sort of declaring my independence. Independence from all the worrying and wigging-out over Spencer's drinking -- it's not anything I can control anyway. Independence from other worries that plague me as an obsessive-compulsive. And my actions and decisions will be based on how something will effect my mental health.
In essence, I come first.
That doesn't mean that what I decide will be counter to what Spencer may need, or what my relationship with him, or with Cary, or with Huxley [which may be progressing towards physical intimacy as well] will need. What I need isn't necessarily mutually exclusive to what others need, but I'm putting my mental health first. I don't think any of the people who love me will begrudge me that.
Here's to a new year, new friendships, new-life to important relationships, and a shiny, refurbished, almost-like-new but even better mental outlook.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Tearful Night
Last night I had a hard night, though I can't put my finger on exactly why. Spencer had to comfort me while I slowly cried and couldn't explain the sadness. I do take Paxil for ocd symptoms and some depression, but I'd missed a couple doses while waiting to pick up my refill and that may have contributed some.
I also feel a bit rejected that I haven't heard from Cary in almost a week. Granted, his last text five days ago said "I love you" but I admit I need more communication. Spencer said Cary is dealing with a lot since his wife had recently asked him for a divorce, and I do know that, but I want to help him through it if I can, and I feel like I can't reach out to him.
It's also very possible that he's having to reign in texts/emails/chats so that nothing can be held against him in a divorce proceeding, but I would understand that, too, if he'd just let me know.
Anyhow, that's my confused perspective at the moment.
I was really thinking last night that when this relationship with Cary runs its course, I don't want to date anyone for awhile. I won't keep Spencer from seeking anyone else out, but I'm just emotionally tired.
It hurts too much.
I also feel a bit rejected that I haven't heard from Cary in almost a week. Granted, his last text five days ago said "I love you" but I admit I need more communication. Spencer said Cary is dealing with a lot since his wife had recently asked him for a divorce, and I do know that, but I want to help him through it if I can, and I feel like I can't reach out to him.
It's also very possible that he's having to reign in texts/emails/chats so that nothing can be held against him in a divorce proceeding, but I would understand that, too, if he'd just let me know.
Anyhow, that's my confused perspective at the moment.
I was really thinking last night that when this relationship with Cary runs its course, I don't want to date anyone for awhile. I won't keep Spencer from seeking anyone else out, but I'm just emotionally tired.
It hurts too much.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Quick Update
My overtime project is done -- yay! -- and a lot things have happened since I've last been able to post. The two main things: Spencer's rehab didn't fly...for various reasons; and Cary's wife has asked him for a divorce.
I'll try to fill in the details a little more later, but those are the biggies.
Missed everyone!
~Pym
I'll try to fill in the details a little more later, but those are the biggies.
Missed everyone!
~Pym
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